Women's Divorce Blog

06 May 2019

  • Do You Need Separate Birthday Parties?
    Celebrating your child's birthday after divorce can be a tricky situation. These tips can help.
  • Divorcing a Narcissist
    Getting divorced is tough no matter what, but be prepared for a battle if your spouse has narcissistic tendencies.
  • Best Way to Sell an Engagement Ring after Divorce
    After a bad marriage and a bad divorce, many women are ready to get rid of this symbol of eternal love. These tips can help turn your bridal bling into money.
  • Allow Yourself to Heal
    Denying the emotional pain of divorce by trying to avoid it or push it away can actually extend the time it takes to heal. Instead, allow yourself time to work through the grieving process.
  • 9 Ways to Make Visitation after Divorce Easier
    Newly divorced parents have a lot of adjustments to make, but ultimately they want to ease the pain for their children. Here are some tips to help take the sting out of visitation.

Life After Divorce?

The hurt and disruption caused by a divorce can make you question whether there can be life after divorce. How can I pick up the pieces and how good will the quality of life be after a divorce?

New Year Revolutions

So the new year is here and many people have their new year resolutions in action. Many will not make it to the end of January and most will not make it past the three month mark. Similarly after a divorce, we often say we want to do things completely differently and we resolve not to do this or that. Like the new year resolutions, many do not survive and we fall back into our own routines and habits. What we need is a revolution, not a resolution.

The divorce revolution

In a way, a divorce precipitates a revolution. It shakes us to our core; it challenges our beliefs and assumptions. If we can see past the pain and chaos, there is a mostly clean slate to work with. Many new opportunities appear. If you haven't already taken advantage of them, then how about creating your own revolution?

For us to succeed in changing set beliefs and behaviors, we have to shake ourselves up. After a divorce, we often move our home and the new environment can stimulate us to take on new attitudes and behaviors.

For example, always had a messy house? Just never found the time and energy no matter what you promised yourself? Moving house forces you to clean up, pack up and hopefully discard the junk that's lying around. You enter your new home with a clean slate. Yes, there are boxes to be unpacked and decorating to be done but you are creating your own place, a new place and one you can be proud of.


Our environment affects our behavior

We react to our surroundings and often these will reinforce old behaviors even when we try to change. Going on holiday is a good example. We escape to new surroundings, different people and different pressures. It is no wonder then that we feel different.

A custom revolution

If you are divorced and have never broken free of those behaviors you hate, then create your own revolution, one you control. Think about something that will shake and challenge you. Changing jobs, moving house, going back to school are among the challenges that move us out of our comfort zone.

The job revolution

Many of us define ourselves at least in part by our jobs. We are a painter, artist, banker etc. Our mindset can be revolutionized by changing jobs.

  • Depending on your obligations, try taking a job at another branch of your business for six months, perhaps even in another country.
  • Try going on some job interviews to window shop and then decide if you want to change jobs
  • Start a home business. Many entrepreneurs started at home. You have the security of your usual salary and the excitement of a new business.

Getting involved

Getting involved is a softer revolution but volunteering can take you out of your comfort zone. If you decide to work with those less well off than you, it gives you a new perspective on life and can catalyze change in you. Want to lose weight? Volunteer for something active. Acting as a guide around a zoo or wildlife reservation can keep you moving and on your feet all day. It doesn't feel like exercise but it will modify your lifestyle in a way that will be healthy and will stick with you far more than joining a gym. And if you are not by the refrigerator, then you wont have easy access to food.

Your revolution

Instead of saying that you want to eat less, weight less, be more active or any of the other most common new years resolutions, find a way to have a lifestyle revolution. Look hard at your lifestyle and habits and then look hard for ways to shake them up.

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