Women's Divorce Blog

14 August 2019

Life After Divorce?

The hurt and disruption caused by a divorce can make you question whether there can be life after divorce. How can I pick up the pieces and how good will the quality of life be after a divorce?

Does dust choose surfaces minutes after you have cleaned them? Strategies for eliminating dust - not moving it around just.
·Dust fabric or duster? Rather than using your husband's aged T-shirt or perhaps a mod feather duster, work with a microfiber or electrostatic fabric to capture dust, not only move it around. Nothing at all beats it. It attracts dirt just like a magnet. And the advisable thing is if you are done dusting, it is possible to toss it in the clean just, let it air dry and again utilize it. Microfiber dusters, with loops or strips of microfiber to trap a lot more dust, are also available in various lengths and shapes for reaching blinds and fans. If you don't make use of microfiber, dampen your fabric. Damp microfiber cloths are great cleaners - a mirror should come out streak- and dirt-free without the cleaning solution.
·Dry or wet? A damp mop shall clean better than a dry one, but water is difficult on some areas, such as wood. Microfiber mops can be found in both dried out and wet varieties. And, though it may appear to be overkill that should you dried out mop your wood flooring every day, you'll just about nip dirt in the bud phase.
·Which comes first, dusting or vacuuming? This is comparable to the boxers/briefs debate: There's proof for both choices, and it comes down to personal preference often. We prefer dust and vacuum furniture 1st because vacuums can blow around small dust contaminants, which you can eliminate by dusting post-vacuuming. However the many dust-1st aficionados explain that gravity will be on the side; even lightweight dirt will eventually find yourself on to the floor - where one can vacuum it upward after you dust.
·Vacuuming matters. Use a vacuum cleaner with a HEPA (high-efficiency particulate air) filtration system, which traps even more of the tiny things, and run it once a full week on trafficked areas. And look after your vacuum cleaner: Empty the canister and modify hand bags and belts when required, keep carefully the brush wheel free from hair along with other material, look for cracks or loose hinges and obtain it serviced once in awhile to maintain it running smoothly.
·Cease it before it begins. Change the air filter systems in your warmth and air-con system monthly - or higher often. Pleated air filter systems catch more dust contaminants, plus some are electrostatically billed to attract pollen along with other allergens. Make sure the filtration system is rated for the blower capability of your system. Use the fresh air conditioner to reduce humidity; dust mites like a moist environment.
·Reduce down on textiles. Whether on your own floors, furniture, home windows or in your closet, textiles not merely trap dust but it is created by them because they shed and disintegrate. Leather, wood, acrylic and plastic leave dust no accepted place to hide and so are easily cleaned. Consider choosing bare wood flooring with washable scatter rugs. In the event that you must have carpeting, choose shorter pile.
·Declutter and streamline. Publications, knickknacks, artwork - the even more you have, the even more nooks and crannies for dirt to accumulate. We suggest keeping publications at the front end of the shelf to rob dirt of a place to stay and keeping products such as for example shoes and purses and handbags in plastic bins. Plastic material bins are also advisable for kids' stuffed creatures, a prime dust-breeding floor. Consider placing collectibles under glass.
·Closet clean-up. Place your off-season clothing in plastic material bins or hanging hand bags to control its shedding, and keep carefully the floors of one's closet clear so that you can zip the vacuum or dirt mop over them as you perform your regular cleaning.
·Sweep it aside. Don't overlook your aged friend, the broom. In case you have tile flooring that have uneven areas, we suggest an angled, synthetic-bristle broom since it will get into corners and picks smaller particles when compared to a natural-fiber broom up. Damp mop to seal the offer then.
·Dust culprits. The quantity of dust in your home is really as variable as dirt itself, based on the true amount of people who live in the home. Human textile and pores and skin fibers are major offenders, and there's only therefore much that you can do about either of these. If your house is really a dust magnet with regular and efficient cleaning even, check out your ductwork and caulking to ensure you're not importing dirt from the garage area or from the outside.
·Have confidence in your dusting instincts. Find out what works on your own home. Vacuuming the hallway each day may lessen the quantity of dusting you need to do.

allergy_Immunotherapy, or allergy photos, supplies the only potential remedy for allergic rhinitis, allergic conjunctivitis, allergic asthma and venom allergy. Unlike medicines that hide allergic symptoms simply, allergy shots will be the only therapy to improve what sort of person’s body handles allergies. You'll think, therefore, that everyone would like to do shots allergy. Unfortunately, allergy shots could be inconvenient for many individuals because they include a substantial time commitment (typically likely to the allergist’s workplace once to twice weekly initially), and could take weeks before they begin working.
Rapid build-upward schedules for allergy shots are employed by some allergists to experience an increased dose of allergy shots faster, which results inside good thing about the shots sooner.
These schedules create a person addressing a “maintenance dosage” faster also, as well as having the ability to enter into the allergist’s workplace less often for allergy photos once this maintenance dosage is achieved. You can find two forms of rapid build-up schedules -- hurry immunotherapy and cluster immunotherapy.
Rush immunotherapy involves offering an individual multiple allergy shots more than a period of several hours to times, achieving a maintenance dosage (or near-maintenance dosage) in an exceedingly short timeframe. After the initial amount of rush immunotherapy, one is able to enter into the allergist’s workplace typically only one time a week for another many weeks, even less often then. People undergoing hurry immunotherapy also achieve reap the benefits of allergy shots considerably faster, within a couple of weeks usually.
Unfortunately, rush immunotherapy outcomes in allergies in a lot of people, so numerous medications (such as for example antihistamines and corticosteroids) tend to be given to be able to avoid or minimize these responses.
An individual undergoing rush immunotherapy ought to be ready to spend at the very least a few days in the allergist’s office, receiving many allergy photos over this time.
Rush immunotherapy offers an option to traditional schedules for allergy photos, allowing a person to accomplish higher dosages of allergy shots more speedily, and get benefit sooner therefore.
However, rush immunotherapy most likely result in an elevated rate of allergies.  Rush is even more of a right time commitment up front, going for a full day or even more typically.
Rush immunotherapy are generally used for people who have venom allergy. This enables for quicker safety against allergies to long term insect stings, and could actually be considered a safer solution to treat people who have venom allergies who've had problem with allergies with their allergy shots.
Frequently, allergists have typical means of giving allergy photos with their patients, and they have a tendency to offer you this typical build-upward style to all or any of their patients. Most allergists don’t give their patients the decision of build-up schedule just. If you are thinking about going after one of these brilliant rapid build-up schedules, get in touch with many allergists in your town to find person who is encountered in these procedures.
  • Grieving is a natural process
  • Permit yourself to feel the emotions but do not wallow
  • Remain active even if you do not feel like it
  • Get help if you are stuck

The end of relationships are naturally painful and difficult. We experience a serious loss not just of the other person but also of who we thought we were.

Often in a marriage, you will become a married person in your head, doing things married people do, having a routine and in time you define yourself or at least part of yourself in terms of being married. After the divorce, you have to grieve that lost part of yourself and redefine yourself.

Adrian G. White, University of Leicester developed the first published map of world happiness. Find out which country is the happiest.

Where is the happiest place on earth?

In an effort to answer this question, Adrian G. White, University of Leicester developed the first published map of world happiness. He used responses from over 80,000 people about their subjective well-being as well as other sources to put together this map.

The happiest country in the world turns out to be Denmark. See the end of this article for a link to a tongue-in-cheek paper in the British Medical Journal looking at factors that make the Danes the happiest people on earth.

  • Depression is an illness
  • Genetics can play some role
  • Can be triggered by major life events including divorce
  • Get professional help
  • Depression can be successfully treated

Depression is an illness

Depression is an illness and is not temporarily feeling "blue". Symptoms include 

  • Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
  • Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
  • Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
  • Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
  • Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
  • Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
  • Restlessness, irritability
  • Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

  • Be nice to yourself
  • Make friends
  • Take your time before getting into another relationship
  • Reassure your children that both you and they are safe. Get them help if needed

If you had an abusive relationship in your marriage where the partner refused to address the issue and are now divorced, congratulate yourself. You have taken a big step in the right direction. Unfortunately many people remain trapped in abusive relationships and are made to feel that it is their fault that such abuse is going on.

Steps to Recovery after an Abusive Relationship

Be nice to yourself

You have been through a lot and your self esteem is probably very low. Recognize that you are a worthwhile person and be gentle with yourself. Find some things to do that you might enjoy. Often these are things you were not allowed to do during the marriage.

  • Stress is a normal part of life
  • Chronic stress can cause health problems
  • Accept things you cannot control; concentrate on those you can
  • Use exercise, yoga or meditation to reduce stress

Stress responses are normal parts of our life. Stress can trigger our "fight or flight response".

Fight or Flight

The body has adapted to respond to a perceived threat to life by choosing to fight back or run away. Specific changes in the body occur to enable that to happen including the release of hormones.

Stress can have the following effects

  • It can make you feel angry, afraid, excited or helpless
  • It can make it hard to sleep
  • It can give you aches in your head, neck, jaw and back
  • It can lead to habits like smoking, drinking, overeating or drug abuse
  • You may not even feel it at all, even though your body suffers from it

Acute Stress

When we find ourselves in an emergency situation for example, this is acute stress. Acute stress is a short term event and is a natural response to the situation we find ourselves in. Some stress can be beneficial, keeping us motivated and helping us act in an emergency.

  • Learn basic cooking skills
  • If busy, try a crock-pot or prepare lots of food at the weekend and freeze
  • Use recipes you are very familiar with for entertaining

Cooking may not have been a skill you learned growing up but it can be healthy, low cost and even enjoyable activity.

Basic cooking

Basic cooking is simple to do and worth learning.

  • Teach yourself from a basic cookbook
  • Take a cooking class
  • Have a friend or relative teach you


  • Look for well lit areas with plenty of people
  • Keep an emergency kit in your car
  • Keep your cell phone charged
  • Check ID before letting any workmen into your home

You may not have lived alone or may be nervous about living alone again.
Here are some simple tips

Car Security

  • Park in an area where there are plenty of people and it is well lit.
  • Carry a small light on your key ring and check the backseat of the car before you get in
  • Lock the doors and keep the windows rolled up
  • Keep valuables, laptops, bags out of sight. Put them out of sight when you get in the car not when you have arrived at your destination and someone can see where you store them.
  • Make sure your spare tire is inflated and you know how to change a tire if you need to
  • You are most vulnerable when carrying a lot of items. Try to consolidate things into one bag. Be especially aware on heavy shopping days around holidays.
  • Jumper cables or a starter battery pack. Make sure you know how to use jumper cables
  • First aid kit
  • Blanket and bottled water in case you have to spend time in your car when its disabled. The water can also be used for the radiator should that become a problem.
  • A tire inflator that can run off the car battery. This can help you if you have let the spare tire go soft or flat. If you have a slow leak from the tire, it might also help get you to aid.
  • Flares or reflective signs especially important if your battery is dead. Lay them out at intervals at a distance behind the car. Mark your car especially at night so other cars have time to avoid you. Leave your hazard warning lights on.
  • Cell phone and charger. Make sure your cell phone is charged before you leave the house. If your car battery dies, you may not be able to charge a low or dead cell phone.
  • Do not open a hot radiator if you suspect the water is low. A severe steam burn can result.

The Phoenix Ritual

This free PDF file is an exercise designed to help you gain some closure with your divorce.

The definition of a phoenix:

a legendary bird which according to one account lived 500 years, burned itself to ashes on a pyre, and rose alive from the ashes to live another period

In many ways this is what divorce is about. The often painful end of part of our life and the beginning of another. Like the phoenix, we get burnt by divorce but we can get up out of the ashes and live a full and productive life again.

This free PDF file is a series of exercises designed to help you through that process by providing closure and a new beginning. 

Having a sick child is always unsettling for any parent. Having a competent, available and pleasant family practice doctor makes life so much easier. How can you choose a good quality pediatrician for your child?

Getting references

Personal references

Ask people you know and trust for a referral. Parents with slightly older kids than yours will have already have plenty of experience with family practice doctors and can tell you why they chose the doctor they did.

Reference from your Obstetrician/Gynecologist (OB/GYN)

During your pregnancy, your Ob/Gyn has been taking care of you and you have developed a good relationship. Ask for a reference for a pediatrician. Ob/Gyns will get a lot of feedback from their patients regarding pediatricians and so should have a good idea whom to refer you to.

The English food standards agency are advising parents of children showing signs of hyperactivity that eliminating certain artificial food colours from their diets might have some beneficial effects on their behaviour.

Revised advice on artificial food coloring 

In England, the Food Standards Agency revised their advice on certain food additives. This follows an evaluation of the research by the independent Committee on Toxicity (COT), carried out by Southampton University, which suggests that consumption of mixes of certain artificial food colours together with the preservative sodium benzoate could be linked to an adverse effect on children’s behaviour.

Effects on hyperactive kids 

The behavior being studied was hyperactivity including ADHD. In summary the study shows that in certain kids at certain ages eating these additives may contribute to hyperactivity. We have to remember though that  hyperactive behaviour in children has many causes including genetic factors, being born prematurely, or environment and upbringing.

if a child shows signs of hyperactivity or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) then eliminating the colours used in the Southampton study from their diet might have some beneficial effects but given the multiple factors contributing to hyperactivity, there is no guarantee.

A fascinating new study in Genome Biology suggests that loneliness may be correlated to changes in gene expression. A lot of literature correlated lack of social contact  (loneliness) with detrimental health effects. This is the first study of its kind that looks at genome wide expression in such a population.

Social Isolation and Health Risks

A variety of theories explaining the correlation between social isolation and health risks have been put forward. One suggests that the social isolation leads to lack of medical care and support. This idea suggests that not having someone who insists you go to the doctor or runs out to get your pills leads to lack of self care and that evolves into health problems. Depression has certainly been linked to lack of self care.

Other Theories 

Another theory suggests that there is a direct effect of isolation on the body itself. A third theory suggests that there is a biological reason for a person being isolated and this may also correlate with susceptibility to disease. A depressed individual, for instance may become socially isolated and the genetic trait that might have led to depression may also affect the body defences to disease.

A report in the September issue of Advances in Life Course Research finds that major events in a child's life such as divorce, widowhood and remarriage affects their level of care provided to their parents later in life. Divorce predicted an adult child would be less involved with day-to-day assistance later in life for an aging parent. A divorce may have happened more than 30 years ago, but the changes it caused can have a long-lasting effect for the child into adulthood.

Data was collected between 1987 and 1994, from 2,087 parents aged 50 and older who reported on their 7,019 adult children in the National Survey of Family and Households.

Analysis of this data showed that it was not the divorce itself that directly affects support but often relocation by a parent. Divorce and remarriage can affect the level of support between the parent and child and this disruption can then carry into later behavior. Such events had less of an impact if they occurred earlier in the child's life but this could mean that children of different ages in the same family could be affected differently.

Obesity is on the rise in all age groups so tackling obesity as a family may help address bad exercise habits. In the last two decades the number of overweight and obese children has more than doubled, putting them at risk to become overweight or obese adults with serious problems such as diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, and even psychological and social problems.

Exercising as a family and asking family walks or bike rides are just a few simple ways to get everyone physically involved and interacting. Plus, it helps parents to teach their kids how to lead an active and healthy lifestyle.

Limiting sedentary activities for kids such as TV, video games and computer time and encouraging them to play outside is one of the easiest ways to get kids exercising.

Keys to motivating family exercise:

  • Find out what your children like to do and make this a focus of your family activities.
  • Keep the word “exercise” out of your vocabulary. Instead, promote “play time” and encourage activities that are fun and physical such as hop-scotch, jumping rope, tag or hide-and-go-seek.
  • Use family walks or bike rides as a time to do more than just exercise together.
  • Try planning social outings to involve physical activity such as taking the family out dancing or roller-skating.
  • Make it a rule to leave the television off one day a week. This encourages physical activity and outdoor play.
  • Don't make exercise a chore or work; keep it light and enjoyable.
  • Vary the activities, and let your children take turns choosing what the family will do.
  • Trips to the park, zoo or miniature golf course can be fun and involve a lot of walking.
  • Try to be available as much as possible when your children play games such as tag, capture the flag, or kickball.

The kids will probably resist at first but by making it part of the family routine and involving the older kids in planning activities, family exercise will become a normal part of life. Whether you are a single parent, a step-family or a blended family, family exercise should be at the core of your family life.


Reversal of Tubal Ligation after Divorce

If you have had your tubes tied (tubal ligation) and are now divorced or remarried, you may have changed your mind and want to have more kids.

Reversal of female sterilization can be quite successful and it is estimated that 10-20% of women regret tubal ligation and wish to have it reversed.

The Biology of Pregnancy

For a pregnancy to occur naturally, sperm must enter the fallopian tube through the uterus by way of the vagina and cervix (opening to the uterus or womb). The oocyte (egg) is released from the ovary and is picked up from the other end of the tube (ovarian or fimbrial end). When the fallopian tubes are blocked, sperm and eggs are kept apart and fertilization is prevented.

The fallopian tube is a narrow muscular tube arising from the upper corners of the uterus and ending just next to the ovary. The inner tubal lining is rich in cilia, microscopic hair-like projections that beat in waves that move a fertilized egg (embryo) towards the uterus. The fallopian tube is normally about 10-12 cm (4–5 inches) long.

Factors in Successful Reversal

In general, at least 5 cm or greater in tubal length is needed for the best chance at success after tubal reversal. There are a variety of ways that the original ligation could be done. Reversal has an even better chance of success if the tubal ligation was performed with clips or rings. The surgery is less successful if the tubes were cut (burned) using an electrocautery instrument or if other pelvic disease such as scaring or endometriosis is present.

Tubal reversal works best for women in good health, in their late thirties or younger, who have a fertile partner. The results are best from this surgery if it has been 10 years or less since the original tubal surgery, and only small sections of the tubes have been damaged by the previous surgery.

Studies looking at cancer and the risk of divorce have shown that there is no increased risk and in fact there is a slightly reduced risk for a few years after diagnosis. A new study by a Norwegian group confirms this finding with two important exceptions: cervical or testicular cancer. Women who developed cervical cancer were 40 percent more likely than normal to get divorced and testicular cancer survivors were 20 percent more likely to get divorced.

How cancer might influence divorce

Norwegian researchers carried out one of the largest and best controlled study on how cancer might influence divorce. They presented their finding at the European Cancer Conference (ECCO 14) in Barcelona, Spain today 27 Sept 2007.

Men divorcing breast cancer survivors again shown to be a myth

Looking at over 215,000 cancer survivors, the researchers found that the myth that men are more likely to abandon their wives after breast cancer was untrue, confirming previous studys' findings. In fact breast cancer survivors had an 8% decrease in the rate of divorces. This decrease in divorce rate was true for many other cancers also.

A new study in the Archives of Internal Medicine links marital problems with an increased risk of developing heart disease.

Previous research has shown that being single creates more of a risk for bad health than being married. For men especially being married was associated with better health.

This new study from the University College London examined over 9000 civil servants in England and assessed their relationships between 1985 and 1990. They followed up about 12 years later and found an increased risk of developing heart disease among those with marital troubles.

Those that had negative emotions or were depressed explained some of the effect but even after correcting for this, there was still a link between bad relationships and increased risk of coronary disease.

It seems that being married leads to better health but the quality of those relationships is also important. The effect was fairly weak and so further studies need to be done to understand what underlies this effect. Previous studies have associated high stress and high levels of stress hormones with poorer health. Future studies should examine stress as a possible underlying cause.

Good diet, exercise and healthy lifestyle are strongly protective for risk of heart disease and are the first line of defence. This results of this study are not a signal to end a relationship or engage in expensive therapy to reduce the risk of coronary disease.

So the new year is here and many people have their new year resolutions in action. Many will not make it to the end of January and most will not make it past the three month mark. Similarly after a divorce, we often say we want to do things completely differently and we resolve not to do this or that. Like the new year resolutions, many do not survive and we fall back into our own routines and habits. What we need is a revolution, not a resolution.

The divorce revolution

In a way, a divorce precipitates a revolution. It shakes us to our core; it challenges our beliefs and assumptions. If we can see past the pain and chaos, there is a mostly clean slate to work with. Many new opportunities appear. If you haven't already taken advantage of them, then how about creating your own revolution?

For us to succeed in changing set beliefs and behaviors, we have to shake ourselves up. After a divorce, we often move our home and the new environment can stimulate us to take on new attitudes and behaviors.

For example, always had a messy house? Just never found the time and energy no matter what you promised yourself? Moving house forces you to clean up, pack up and hopefully discard the junk that's lying around. You enter your new home with a clean slate. Yes, there are boxes to be unpacked and decorating to be done but you are creating your own place, a new place and one you can be proud of.

Smiling can both reflect and influence our mood. It can also help deal with the difficult and complex world we live in and reflect a good adjustment to the problems we face including the challenges of rebuilding our lives after divorce. Laughter plays an major role in our society and helps build social support.

Smiling can affect your mood

Studies have shown that we can impact our mood by deliberately smiling. We know smiling occurs spontaneously when we feel happy but it appear that the reverse can be true. This tight connection between smiling and mood can be used to our advantage by battling the negative emotions we can feel after a difficult event such as divorce. Duchenne smiling is the most effective (see below - types of smiles) in affecting our mood.

Smiling is probably the last thing most people feel like doing after a divorce. Yet forcing that smile may be exactly what you need. Smiling and laughing, but not howling have been shown to have a positive impact on mood. Lightening your mood can make you view your difficulties and your situation in a different light and give you the energy to cope and even thrive. Laughing is even more powerful than smiling in lifting mood in most studies.

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