Women's Divorce Blog

13 February 2019

Life After Divorce?

The hurt and disruption caused by a divorce can make you question whether there can be life after divorce. How can I pick up the pieces and how good will the quality of life be after a divorce?

Why married men are more attractive

Why are all the good men taken? And why do women perceive married men to be better than single men?

Were we trying too hard?

Men often ask why more women talk to them or even flirt with them after they are married and wish they had all that attention when they were single. We put it down to being more secure now we are married and not being so desperate!

Why are all the good men taken?

Strangely enough women often ask "why are all the good men taken?". They look at the available men and compare them to their married friend's husband and the available men do not compare favorably. A few may end up dating married men and miss the many available men who go to their local dive to use their latest pickup line. OK, I am kidding about that last part but something is going on.

Studies now indicate that it is not that married men are inherently better but rather women judge them to be better than single men. Being married gives an "attractive factor" to men.

So why do women perceive married men to be better than single men?

By using photographs of men and adding a label of married or single, women were asked to choose the more attractive men. They chose those labeled married more often than those labeled single.

Women are more sensitive to the choices made by other women i.e. a married man has already been chosen as a suitable mate by at least one other female and this man has indicated by getting married that he wishes a long term relationship. For women, these are desirable traits in a man.

Across species women carry the reproductive burden. They have a greater investment generically in reproduction through pregnancy and lactation. Males generically are limited by the availability of females.

Because of this, females tend to be the choosier sex as choosing the wrong mate harms the female's reproduction investment more than the male's. To choose the right mate, females must use environmental cues and at least one of those cues is the selection of a mate by another female.

The "married man" effect

Other environmental cues are used in mate selection but being married appears to make the "revolting" single man into the attractive married man in women's minds. So guys, next time a woman says that all the good men are taken, tell her you feel the same way about women and are just looking for someone who is prepared to commit to a long term relationship and see if you can get some of the "married man" effect.

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