Women's Divorce Blog

13 February 2019

Life After Divorce?

The hurt and disruption caused by a divorce can make you question whether there can be life after divorce. How can I pick up the pieces and how good will the quality of life be after a divorce?

Shared Parenting and Childcare

  • Using professional childcare can actually help you with your shared parenting.
  • They will be the voice of reason when emotions run high
  • They will be there to represent the child's best interest
  • They help with socialization, discipline and skill building.

Using daycare

Daycare can actually help with shared parenting. One parent can drop the child off in the morning and the other can pick up in the evening and the reverse can be done to return the child. This can be very useful if you do not get on with your ex and avoids the potential for arguing especially in front of your child. Make sure the teacher meets both of you and is aware of the situation.

To avoid difficulties

  • Make sure you return or replace any items supplied by the other parent
  • Any clothing should be returned washed and clean
  • Make sure you are on time in the morning and evening
  • Communicate anything important directly with the other parent

Using a nanny or childminder

In most situations it is best if you give your ex the first option to mind the kids if appropriate. This can be done either at your house or at theirs. Decide this based on practical considerations and not on emotional ones. If you use a nanny or childminder, it can be helpful if both you and your ex could meet with, choose and use the same nanny.

This is practical only if you live near each other or if you agree that the children are looked after at one house. The advantage is that you both know you have consistent childcare you are  comfortable with and the children have consistency also. If this is not possible, use a nanny that has good references.

  • Check out the references
  • Interview the nanny
  • Make sure the nanny listens to and follows your preferences for childcare
  • Make sure you and the childminder agree on discipline methods

You should start out with your children spending short amounts of time with the nanny and you should be present at first. This way your kids get familiar with the childminder and you can monitor how things are working out.

Should you use a nannycam?

In my view the use of nannycams is in an ethically grey zone. Perhaps a better approach is to come home unannounced periodically. Listen to your child and note any unusual behavior. If you suspect abuse, stop childcare immediately and get legal advice. If you have clear evidence, call law enforcement.

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