A bank robber in California approached a teller and asked for help in wiring money without letting his wife’s attorney know about it since he was going through a divorce. He then produced a note demanding money and saying he had a gun and a bomb.
The fear of losing everything is very common in divorce. The house, retirement accounts, your business, savings, all the things that give us some security in life suddenly are now on the table to be carved up. It comes as a massive shock and a feeling of loss of control. The judicial system is intimidating and does nothing to bring back that sense of control. If anything, you feel like you are now at the mercy of the court.
There are stories of people coming home to find the house cleaned out of everything, of bank accounts found empty and assets hidden away. What do you do now when you are going to get remarried? How do you preserve that financial security the second time around? Is a pre-nup unromantic? Does it show a lack of trust in the spouse and the marriage?
When people go through a second divorce, they are often older and with less time to make back the money they have lost in that divorce. Its often not as easy to change jobs nor to start up a new business to replenish the money. Should you keep separate bank accounts after getting remarried so premarital assets can be tracked more easily? If so, whose money will be used for everyday purchases and household expenses? Who shall manage the finances? Can you both sit down and take care of finances together and agree on how to share the expenses?
When you start to think of the potential for mistakes, misunderstandings and arguments, pre-nups start to make more sense. Given the high rate of failure of second marriages, you really do not need yet another thing to get in a fight about. Financial issues are very common reasons for arguments in relationships.
If you were to get remarried, would you look for a pre-nup? Would you get remarried anyway if your fiance said no? How would you even bring up the subject?
Just promise me that you won’t be the one holding up the bank.