After divorce, we are often focused on picking up the pieces, dealing with the emotional fallout and trying to find a new routine. While all of these are important and necessary, we can’t let ourselves miss the highlights of our lives as we move forward.
Technically we have no excuse with digital cameras, home DVD creation software and email and web to share the photos and videos but are you really enjoying and storing away those moments in your brain? There are a number of things that interfere with the enjoyment of those moments after a divorce.
The Ex Factor
Going to your kids recitals, birthday parties etc can be stressful as you may have to face your ex and your ex-relatives. There can be tension, uncertainty, nervousness and embarrassment involved. The trick is to refocus yourself constantly on whats important. This is your child’s moment and one you don’t want to miss or not enjoy because of distractions. Life is too short and moments like this are fleeting. Get the camera out and wave and laugh and enjoy the moment. If something goes wrong, it’sOK. Lo ok for the humor in the moment. Read my post on how my daughter embarrassed me but in the end, humor won out and now she loves to hear the story. An embarrassing moment has become a treasured often retold memory.
Life after divorce is often hectic and this hustle and bustle can mean that we never take the time to slow down and make sure we enjoy those important moments. Life just whizzes by instead. Taking stock of what’s important in life from time to time is critical. Much of what we think is absolutely necessary fades when we take a look at the bigger picture. Imagine your kid leaving home. What is it you hope you have accomplished? What is it you hope you have taught your kid but most of all what is it that you and your kid will remember about that period in your lives? That will guide you on what is truly important.
Make the moment
Memories don’t always magically appear. You have to create the environment or the situation to allow a special moment to appear. Find some humor in your day every day. Learn from the day you just had and apply it to the day you are about to have. Do something silly or different so you are not stuck in a rut. Kids have a great way of seeing through to the basics of life. Look through their eyes and share in their silliness and fun. Plan for long weekends or special holidays and make the most of them.
Life after divorce doesn’t have to be a constant struggle or a series of bad or sad memories. The trauma of divorce can make us vulnerable to stress and negative events in our lives so we have to consciously fight to find the positive and live life to the fullest.
What are you going to do to make a memory? What are you going to do to give your kids happy memories of their childhood? Do you have an idea or a story of how to make happy memories?